A Random Word 4

"Sheesh... what a mess", Shiro mumbled when he came out of the bushes, just as all the monks were gone. He had not noticed Manami standing around, yet. "I'm... sorry?", Shiro told the monk, raising an eyebrow as he did not know what to do about it. "If it helps you, I liked it. You should give up on this stuff and have some fun", he continued, grinning at the elder. Maybe the monk would come with him? This way he could have his skilled Ishi-substitute with him all the time...

The monk looked at his feet, ashamed of what he had done. "No. I live to serve the Lord. That is my fun..even if you do not understand it. I must pray, I must repent, I must gain forgiveness or else my entire life so far has been for nothing." He looked up, his eyes sad. He placed his hand on Shiro's shoulder as he had done before and sighed. "Take care. i must go now." He nodded at Shiro as a goodbye and went back inside.

Shiro sighed, then shrugged.
He was still horny but he guessed there was no time for this right now, as he had just spotted Manami. "Oh... uhm... how long have you...?", he asked, blushing to a deep red colour. Suddenly he felt a lot more guilty than before - not for causing trouble for the monk but for somehow being 'unfaithful' to Ishi. This of course was only happening in Shiro's head, nonetheless he felt bad for it.

Manami shook her head, her face void of expression. "Do you realise how selfish you are..?" She backed away slightly, wanting to go to bed and forget about all of the things that happened on this trip, "You..you just seem to do whatever suits you..not thinking about who you hurt in the process...I don't understand that...it's the one thing about you I don't get.." She sighed, dissapointed before turning around and headed to her room. Once there she curled up into the small bed she had been given and slowly drifted to sleep.

Shiro could have responded but he was too proud to say a word. Instead he went to his and Ishi's shared room, entering without knocking. Quietly he lay down to get some rest as well. Still he thought about Manami's words. Of course he was selfish. A few months ago he did not have anyone he needed to take into consideration, just as nobody did regarding Shiro. Tao managed to change this a little, but not much. Shiro simply was not used to think of the consequences for others.

Several hours later, Shiro awoke from one of his usual nightmares screaming. He felt like someone was choking him, unable to calm down.

Ishi woke from his sleep as soon as Shiro screamed. He groaned, slightly annoyed that he'd been woken up. He was still exaughsted. He sat up in his bed and looked over to Shiro, squinting a little. "What is it..?"

Shiro cowered on his knees, still choking, his body shaking.
Ishi's words were drowned by a noise in Shiro's ears.
Reaching for his throat the boy searched for somebody choking him but there was nothing which increased his panic even more. He knew about the powers of shinobi and secret orders. Maybe the monk was trying to pay him back or some of Taimatsu's followers tried to attack him? In this situation, Shiro's paranoia knew no restrictions.

Annoyed by Shiro's strange panicing. Ishi climbed out of bed and walked over grabbing onto his shoulers, shaking him. "CALM THE HELL DOWN! I WANT TO SLEEP!" He looked around the room as he shook Shiro, the room was empty aside from the few peices of furniature. 'What the hell is going on with this kid..'

Shiro was quite shocked when he was suddenly being shaken, the yelling making his head hurt. He tried hard to calm himself down, which ended in coughing, making himself feel like he was suffocating even more. Though the room started spinning around him he got up, attempting to leave the room. Manami had said he was supposed to think of others more. Ishi wanted to sleep. Shiro could as well suffocate somewhere else, where he was not bothering anyone with it, he thought. His mind told him that outside someone was waiting to finish him off, still Shiro left the room swaying, closing the door behind himself.

The panic attack caused him to breathe quickly and too deeply, making him hyperventilate. The oversupply of his body with oxygen caused the feeling of suffocation, ending up in making Shiro breathe even deeper and quicker. It was a vicious circle, eventually ending in Shiro calming down or losing consciousness.

As Shiro left the room, Ishi contemplated simply going back to sleep and leaving him to it. But the thought made him feel slightly guilty, so instead he followd Shiro out of the room, grabbing onto his arm and dragging him outside. 'Cold water usually shocks people out of their thinking..like it calms them down when they're on drugs..' He thought to himself as he pushed Shiro down to his knees and shoved his head into the cold pool, trying to clear his thoughts.

Ishi made matters worse a lot.
Shiro could not react fast enough, breathing in loads of water while he tried to push himself up again. Was it Ishi? Was this Ishi's revenge for what Shiro had done to him? The boy was desperate by now but at least he had his explanation.

Ishi dragged Shiro out of the water, holding him up. Instead the water clearing his mind, Shiro choked on it instead. Ishi hit the boys back, expecting him to cough the water up. Ishi rolled his eyes, kind of annoyed that in the middle of the night he was trying to look after a boy who was not easy to help.

Shiro coughed up the water bit by bit, his lungs hurting like they were on fire, then he backed away as much as he could. "Don't...", he begged, his throat sore. Of course he did not want to die, especially not because of that mistake he made. "I'm sorry, you know I am... please..." His breathing troubles had gotten a little better but still he was coughing hard.

Ishi growled, becoming more irate with each passing second. 'I can't be bothered with this..' He stood up about to walk away from Shiro and leave him there, but he decided against it and dragged the boy back inside, throwing him back onto his bed. "Go to sleep." She scowled before getting back into his own bed and dragging the cover over himself.

Shiro kept quiet.
He was crying once again but this time because he was afraid.
Did Ishi hate him this much now? Making him feel it like this?
Shiro would not sleep for the rest of the night, he sat on his bad, staring at Ishi. It was better not to tell Manami about this, she would either say Ishi was right to do it or Ishi would punish him - both of these options were not in Shiro's favour.

Ishi felt the boy looking at him. Too tired to care he forced himself to sleep, wanting to get rest before the trip back to Suna. Shiro obviously thought Ishi had been trying to hurt him. Was he so incapable of trusting them, that he believed he would do that? Soon all these thoughts were lost as Ishi drifted off into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of the day his life would no longer be like this.

Waiting for the time it would not be suspicious for him to be up, Shiro kept himself awake by pressing his hand to the injuries on his arm. As soon as possible he quietly left the room, stalking around the property. He was very cautious and jumpy as still he thought Ishi might want to scare him again.

In a way, Ishi knew Shiro had left the room. No longer caring what the boy was up to he let himself sleep, trying to stay happy.

Manami had been awake for some time now. She couldn't sleep too well, she was never very good at sleeping in beds other than her own. The idea of loads more people sleeping in the same building made it strange for her. She had decided to go back into the room she was before, to meditate once again.

After some time of strolling around, Shiro found Manami sitting in a room, doing something he did not quite get. Some of the monks were there, too. Quietly he stood in the doorway, watching them. He frowned. What did they do - and why? It did not make much sense to him to simply sit around.

When a monk entered the room, coming from behind Shiro, the boy jumped, his heart racing. Still he was nervous but tried to stay calm. How long would they stay here? By now, Shiro was afraid of leaving. What would Ishi do, when they were out there alone? Maybe this night had been enough for Ishi but still Shiro was worried.

Manami continued to meditate. Blocking out any bad thoughts. Making herself feel peaceful, relaxed. Although she was finding it hard to block out any thoughts at all, it was making her feel slightly better. The monks had told her that by doing this, her thoughts would be clearer. That she would see the world around her in a different light. Eventually, she would feel closer to God, and overall this feeling would enrich her life. Not wanting to question their beliefs, Manami had liked the idea. She now found it was indeed helping her.

After a while Shiro left the room, it was making him feel weird to see more and more people sitting down doing nothing. For a change of place he went to the garden again, sitting down the same place he had the day before.

What would his brother be like?
Maybe they could even like each other...
But why should that man like him?
"If I only knew who you are...", Shiro mumbled.
Was he younger or older? How did he look like? And... where was he now?

Several hours after the incident, Ishi woke up seeing Shiro was still not there. He slowly got dressed and left the room, attemping to find Manami. WHen he did she was sat in a cirlce with other monks, chanting Laughing slightly he walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. After afew seconds she looked up at him smiling "Morning.."
"Morning..we should go get something to eat then we really should be going.." Ishi said giving her a hand to get up and leading her to the dining hall.

Shiro was also hungry by now but he did not feel like eating.
Instead he moved to the entrance hall, waiting for Manami and Ishi, in case they wanted to leave soon. After all, there was nothing else for him to do anyways. The monks around him did not take much notice of Shiro, either they were busy or they new he was involved to the sex-incident the day before.

Manami and Ishi had a quiet breakfast. Talking to the monks about their lives. It all seemed so strange to them, how they could serve a being they could never be sure exsisted. How they spent every day living peacefully, trying to serve the lord. It seemed strange. Strange, but nice.
Once they were done eating, they both collected their thngs and headed to the entrance. Both of them kept quiet, not speaking a word to Shiro. If he wished to talk, he could, but they would not start conversation. The two thanked the monks for their hospitality, Manami hugging the elder who came to see them off, then began leaving.

Shiro simply followed Manami and Ishi outside, staying behind them, especially behind Ishi. He did not know what to do, on the one hand, he still felt something strong for Ishi, stronger than the fear. Also, he wanted to find his brother. On the other hand, he did not want to bother the two of them any more, he did not want Ishi to hurt him again and he was afraid of what his brother might be like. Maybe it was better for all of them to stop this and just go back to their normal lives...

Shiro did not mention his considerations.
Maybe, if he kept quiet, nothing bad would happen.